Happy Halloween Dennis De Los Muerto!

Close Only Counts in Horse Shoes and Lemonade!

Bonjour Y'all!
A few nights ago a posted a request on my FaceBook for nonsense story elements that I would then have to string together into a story. Only one person actually participated (thank ye Melinda) but this is what I got...Lemonade contaminated with nuclear waste; large, glow-in-the-dark mushrooms; an overgrown, abandoned quarry; any sort of mutants; preternaturally, disturbingly cute and slightly menacing children.
From this mixed bag of weird I started writing a little story, one which I would like to share with you now! Enjoy!

Close Only Counts in Horse Shoes and Lemonade

There once was an ork named Petunia and he was friends with a spacegaroo named Cheeze Pizza. Cheeze Pizza's Aunt Bologna needed a heart transplant, and Petunia and Cheeze Pizza wanted to help her because she lived in a ditch and was ugly and all she ever wanted was a heart transplant. So Petunia and Cheeze Pizza sat on the curb all Thursday afternoon trying to think of a way to help poor old Aunt Bologna. First they thought about prostitution but quickly realized that they'd never make any money because Petunia's head was bulbous and Cheeze Pizza was a horrible 12 foot tall space kangaroo and no one wanted to have any sex with either of them. Then Petunia remembered that every summer the terrifying orphans at the terrifying orphanage across the street from his house ran their own little lemonade stand and would force folk off the street to buy their over priced sugary lemon water, and they could totally rip off their idea and make a mint!But then they realized that they had no lemons and no money to buy any with. So they sat on the curb most of Friday and Saturday trying to come up with a cheap lemon substitute. Then about nine P.M. Saturday night Cheeze Pizza remembered he had seen some giant glowing mushrooms in a hallucination he'd had last week while he was hanging around the old abandoned quarry downtown, and thought there might be some similar mushrooms in the old abandoned quarry downtown! So on this hunch the two headed down to the old quarry and low and behold growing there and glowing like the noon day sun was a forest of giant yellow mushrooms. So they gathered all they could fit into Cheeze Pizza's intergalactic pouch and headed home.
The next day they set themselves outside Petunia's house with their giant radioactive mushrooms, and their rickety cardboard sign reading "MUSHROOMS FOR BOLOGNA! $.25" and Aunt Bologna herself in a wheelchair holding a big bucket for tips. After a week of fantastic business, and a few trips to the hospital to take care of some radiation burns, Petunia and Cheeze Pizza were rolling in their sweet sweet mushroom money...on Petunia's front lawn, which was pissing off the orphans across the street who's lemonade stand was floundering. The only way the horrifying children could possibly compete was with their own brand of radioactive confection. So the orphans broke into their local nuclear reactor and stole some delicious toxic waste that they then used to concoct a brand new lemonade recipe. Armed with this and their superior business plan the orphans were able to win back their turf. Petunia and Cheeze Pizza didn't really give a rats ass, since they were closing up shop now that they had made their fortune and exhausted their supply of mushrooms. Also Aunt Bologna inexplicably died of radiation poisoning so they spent all her money on hair clips and pornography.
The orphans were doing well themselves until folks started coming around complaining that the waste contaminated lemonade had turned them all into horrible mutants. They all dragged their extra limbs and giant deformed heads up to the lemonade stand and threatened the orphans with a class action suit. But when the orphans lawyer showed up with a bomb strapped to his chest and told the deformed masses he'd blow them all to kingdom come, the mutants decided against the lawsuit and ate the orphans instead. This being done, the marauding ghouls turned their attention to the rest of the city. And that is how Cleveland was founded.
THE END!

Back in Action! with some distraction...

Bonjour Ya'll
It's been half a century and a century and a half since I blogged in this here blogspace, but I promised some folk that I would so here I am once again with loads of apologies and broken promises blogging once again.
But enough of all that. I did post that silly picture of Palin signing a baby didn't I?
And what about little Dennis De Los Muerto? Is anyone interested at all in what he has to say occasionally? I mean I didn't mean to have him totally take over the blog but he's a pushy little bitch.
So why haven't I blogged much in the last year or so? Well I have plenty of distractions. A while back I got into the whole toy modification thing, bought myself a lot of KIDROBOT Munnys and painted and pasted them up real nice...




There were plenty of the usual distractions too of course, life, love, work and play.
I feel that the one serious fail was the fact that I didn't write at all about my last trip to Chiller Theatre, but hopefully that will be rectified soon. I want to write about about movies again and all of the different crazy shit you fair few who actually read this enjoy. So I'll try to kick start it again and get myself writing and not as distracted.

Also I caught the youtube bug...


Which is one of the reasons I really wanted to get this blog up and running again. I would love to get the blog and the vlog working together in perfect sticky harmony, and write junk and rant to the camera and put in all together in a big geek-nut butter cup of greatness!

So so so so...go check out the youtube channel...keep your eyes open for new shit here...I will try not to repeat myself too much but no promises.

Goodnight and have a pleasant yesterday!

What is going on in this picture?

Is Palin signing this baby's tits?

I'm Not Hostile...Really...

I really want to set some things straight. I really don't want to come across as snobbish or unfairly critical of for any of the few readers I might still have to think that all I ever do on this blog is tear things down when I actually take the time to actually write something here. I want to reassure you that I do truly love film. There are so many movies out there that I find flawless, that I could go on ten page tirades about. Unfortunately I have found it more relevant , both in the blog and in my personal life, to talk about the inadequacies of certain films and the folks that make them. As a person who watches a lot of movies, both good and bad, there are certain things in the realm of both that excite and upset me. And trust me folks I love bad movies. Anyone who knows me well enough has heard my ecstatic glee over David Giancola's masterwork Icebreaker I really do love the truly terrible. However, I am very critical, not unfairly as I stated before, but I am going to call a spade a spade. Now as I have said I do enjoy bad movies, as well as good, but what upsets me and why I have to tear down certain Hollywood darlings, is because I hate any filmmaker who has the ability to create, the means to create something wonderful and out of shear laziness or some sense that they just sneeze greatness, they do not put in the effort and roll out a drastically inferior product. I understand and also have a lot of sympathy for any filmmaker who is working on a shoestring budget and isn't able to fully secure the vision they may have wanted and rolls out a piece of crap. But anyone handed millions of dollars to really make something, that person seriously has to answer for every flaw that the film has. I know that I always bash George Lucas, but he really is the perfect example of this. He really could have, if he wanted to, if he cared enough to, made the Star Wars prequels something special.
(Now I am not saying that he personally has the talent to have made them something special, but we all know that he was as much involved in writing and directing those movies as I was.)
He had the money, the time and the resources available, but there is one simple factor that stopped him from doing anything extraordinary, he didn't have to.
George Lucas knows that he can shit in a box and mark it STAR WARS and someone will buy it. Ok maybe that's a little inaccurate. He'd shit in a box, send it to I.L.M, they'd scan it into the computer, make a 3-D rendering of it, give it a Jamaican accent, then mark it STAR WARS and it would become the highest grossing movie of the year!
So you may still be asking why I am so hostile, especially since this post was supposed to explain that I am really not hostile. I just get aggravated at film makers like Georgie-Boy because I know that there are so many filmmakers out there who really do care, who would never dream of being able to work on that kinda budget. Filmmakers who love what they do and really put the effort into their movies that they know the audience deserves. There are so many wonderful films out there that will never get the recognition that Lucas's films don't even need to try to get. And maybe I just have high standards, not even for the films but for the filmmakers. It disappoints me when audiences eat up these half-assed films when there are plenty of much better ones out there.
I think a lot of the audience are really just settling these days. I know when Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out I was adamantly against seeing it. A friend of mine saw it and tried to convince me to see it by saying “it's not as bad as you'd think it would be”
Is that how we gauge our movies these days? Would we hold anything else to such a low standard?
“you should really try that new restaurant, I actually got through a whole meal without throwing up”
I think we all need to start holding movies to a much higher standard folks. Let's not settle for a substandard product anymore!

Dennis De Los Muerto is Getting There!

GoodBye Galactica

I just wanted to do a short post today.
I don't think I have done any blogs really talking about Battlestar Galactica but for the past 4 years it has been a series very close to my heart. I am really sad that it's gone.
I don't know if there is really anything else I want to say aside from that.
Just wanted to say goodbye to the old girl.