Close Only Counts in Horse Shoes and Lemonade!

Bonjour Y'all!
A few nights ago a posted a request on my FaceBook for nonsense story elements that I would then have to string together into a story. Only one person actually participated (thank ye Melinda) but this is what I got...Lemonade contaminated with nuclear waste; large, glow-in-the-dark mushrooms; an overgrown, abandoned quarry; any sort of mutants; preternaturally, disturbingly cute and slightly menacing children.
From this mixed bag of weird I started writing a little story, one which I would like to share with you now! Enjoy!

Close Only Counts in Horse Shoes and Lemonade

There once was an ork named Petunia and he was friends with a spacegaroo named Cheeze Pizza. Cheeze Pizza's Aunt Bologna needed a heart transplant, and Petunia and Cheeze Pizza wanted to help her because she lived in a ditch and was ugly and all she ever wanted was a heart transplant. So Petunia and Cheeze Pizza sat on the curb all Thursday afternoon trying to think of a way to help poor old Aunt Bologna. First they thought about prostitution but quickly realized that they'd never make any money because Petunia's head was bulbous and Cheeze Pizza was a horrible 12 foot tall space kangaroo and no one wanted to have any sex with either of them. Then Petunia remembered that every summer the terrifying orphans at the terrifying orphanage across the street from his house ran their own little lemonade stand and would force folk off the street to buy their over priced sugary lemon water, and they could totally rip off their idea and make a mint!But then they realized that they had no lemons and no money to buy any with. So they sat on the curb most of Friday and Saturday trying to come up with a cheap lemon substitute. Then about nine P.M. Saturday night Cheeze Pizza remembered he had seen some giant glowing mushrooms in a hallucination he'd had last week while he was hanging around the old abandoned quarry downtown, and thought there might be some similar mushrooms in the old abandoned quarry downtown! So on this hunch the two headed down to the old quarry and low and behold growing there and glowing like the noon day sun was a forest of giant yellow mushrooms. So they gathered all they could fit into Cheeze Pizza's intergalactic pouch and headed home.
The next day they set themselves outside Petunia's house with their giant radioactive mushrooms, and their rickety cardboard sign reading "MUSHROOMS FOR BOLOGNA! $.25" and Aunt Bologna herself in a wheelchair holding a big bucket for tips. After a week of fantastic business, and a few trips to the hospital to take care of some radiation burns, Petunia and Cheeze Pizza were rolling in their sweet sweet mushroom money...on Petunia's front lawn, which was pissing off the orphans across the street who's lemonade stand was floundering. The only way the horrifying children could possibly compete was with their own brand of radioactive confection. So the orphans broke into their local nuclear reactor and stole some delicious toxic waste that they then used to concoct a brand new lemonade recipe. Armed with this and their superior business plan the orphans were able to win back their turf. Petunia and Cheeze Pizza didn't really give a rats ass, since they were closing up shop now that they had made their fortune and exhausted their supply of mushrooms. Also Aunt Bologna inexplicably died of radiation poisoning so they spent all her money on hair clips and pornography.
The orphans were doing well themselves until folks started coming around complaining that the waste contaminated lemonade had turned them all into horrible mutants. They all dragged their extra limbs and giant deformed heads up to the lemonade stand and threatened the orphans with a class action suit. But when the orphans lawyer showed up with a bomb strapped to his chest and told the deformed masses he'd blow them all to kingdom come, the mutants decided against the lawsuit and ate the orphans instead. This being done, the marauding ghouls turned their attention to the rest of the city. And that is how Cleveland was founded.
THE END!